The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side
Trust me I don’t want to write another contemplative post but I had lunch with a girl I know recently and she said something that really made me think. So as much as I’d love to do a post on how dope Funny People (Don’t listen to the critics, its Judd Apatow’s best movie) is, or a post with lots of pictures and not much text I’m going to have to disappoint both myself and every reader by doing another editorial style post.
So I was having lunch with this girl who shall remain nameless and she was talking about what she wants to do with her life. A little background first: This girl is in her mid twenties, originally from Africa, and now working in finance in Toronto by way of New York, Boston, and Paris. Both her parents worked for the UN while she was growing up and as a result she has been living the jet setting life I’ve been dreaming about since she was in elementary school. She has lived in six countries and travelled to several others but has also spent most of her life trying to fit into a new place. For five years her mother and her brother lived on one continent while her father and her lived on another. This rich life experience has given her a unique perspective on life and she shared some of the insights she has gained with me.
A little background on myself for those who don’t know me. I really hope I don’t turn out to be 35, living in Port Credit, and riding the Go Train into my pretty good, pretty average job. I’ve never had the dream of the house in the burbs, the kids playing in the pool, or the nice car. Ever since I can remember all I wanted to do was travel the World (And spit raps) and have some sort of amazing job/life that allowed me to do that. I’ve spent most of my life dreaming about not growing up to follow in my father’s footsteps; Those same footsteps that allowed me to have some of the amazing opportunities I’ve had in life. I would love to have the job of a UN diplomat and work from several countries while eventually getting married and raising a family at the same time. This had become such an ideal in my head that I never truly considered the cons of such a lifestyle.
My friend told me that once she finally is able to find a place that feels like home she is settling down for good. Her eyes lit up as she talked about buying a home and sending her kids to the same school and placing roots in a community. Basically she dreams of my nightmares. She has spent her whole life trying to find a home, and dreaming of a place where she and her family could live together and forever. She speaks of her childhood experiences and promises herself to not subject her own children to the same lifestyle.
Hearing her speak made me realize, maybe for the first time, the importance of the concept of home. I still want everything I did before but I think that now I understand slightly more why I want those things. We all want what we cannot or did not have. In reality both myself and my friend have imagined the grass to be greener on the other side than it indeed is. We have imagined this idealized version of the other’s life and blinded ourselves to any negatives which might be associated with that lifestyle. In the same way that guys in relationships look enviously at single guys while single guys in many cases want girlfriends we all want what we can’t have.
For those looking to read further on the subject of searching for a home I’d recommend Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama. Like my nameless friend he spent his childhood/adolescense drifting from Hawaii to Indonesia, and from Los Angeles to New York. It was not until he arrived in Chicago at age 23 that he truly found a home. In fact it wasn’t until four years later when he met his future wife and her perfect, normal Southside family that he began to put down roots and build a life. It also just so happens that he grew up to be President so that is another reason to check it out. Honestly though its a million times better than his political follow-up The Audacity of Hope and by far the most honest memoir ever published by a man who sought to be President.
2 years ago • Notes